On the couch in Frankfurt

By: Luke | October 28th, 2009

freud[1] Bayern fans have done their fair share of head-scratching lately. We assemble a squad of forwards that is the envy of everyone, and yet we can’t score goals. We very slowly nurse players back from injury with the goal of having them ready to contribute right away following thorough rehabs, and yet they remain invisible. Inevitably, the explanations for these shortcomings turn to some mental aspect of the game, or some intangible quality like leadership.

While a 4-0 victory in a DFB-Pokal match against perennial also-ran Eintracht Frankfurt may not be an announcement that Bayern is ready to take on the world, it sure seemed like the team got rid of a lot of psychological baggage. Let’s review the charts.

Patient: M. Klose
History: Player has possible psychological aversion to scoring goals for club. Player known to display excessive unselfishness near opponent’s goal, often compounding goal scoring issue.
Result of Frankfurt therapy: Player scored 2 goals, moved into 2nd place among active players in career DFB-Pokal goals. (Who’s first? See below) Unselfishness rewarded by providing impetus for subject T. Müller’s goal when selfish play would likely not have resulted in a 3rd goal.
Prognosis: Player has left behind his goal-scoring aversion. Will now attend physical therapy to regain signature goal-scoring acrobatics.

Patient: M. van Bommel
History: Aggressive tendencies, leadership through rhetoric more than positive actions
Result of Frankfurt therapy: Player made first significant offensive contribution in quite some time with a lovely floating ball to teammate M. Klose that led to first goal.
Prognosis: Pleasant surprise offensive contributions to continue, though patient could also bite opponent’s ear off without warning. Supervision recommended.

Patient: L. Toni
History: Patient has history of hysterics and play-acting. Unable to score goals. May require leg braces (frequent falls) or vision correction as kicked balls often bounce off posts. May also have inner ear disorder, but claims symptoms are merely “how he celebrates”.
Result of Frankfurt therapy: To staff’s surprise, patient required little therapy and used his own head to solve his goal-scoring problem.
Prognosis: Patient will need frequent reinforcement from peers in order to maintain goal scoring levels. Could benefit from extended visit to warmer climate.

And there you have it, a somewhat clean bill of psychological health. I’m just glad we didn’t have to include Gomez, Rensing or Louis van Gaal in the analysis. We’ll discover who our quarterfinal opponent will be on Sunday

DFB-Pokal Goal scorers
I indicated above that Miro Klose moved into 2nd among active DFB Pokal goal scorers. Klose now has 17, and the active leader is Claudio Pizarro with 21. I was not surprised to see that Gerd Müller was all time leader with 78 (in 62 matches). What I was surprised to see was that 2nd all time is Cologne’s Hennes Löhr with a mere 39 (in 64 matches)! Yet another of Der Bomber’s unbelievable records.