Mobben?
Although there isn’t an exact statistical “aha!”, there is a very close correlation between the distribution of Thomas Müller’s assists and goals and Arjen Robben’s presence on the field. Through all the hype and all the focus on on our misfiring forwards, have we perhaps overlooked the possibility that this pair last seen as before and after pictures for hair restoration, may be able to rough up the competition without their 3rd camarade?

Man in the Mirror:
Last season, the Altintop brothers did not face off against each other in the Bundesliga. Done groaning? Hamit missed the first match, and in last spring’s match in Munich, Halil was subbed off just before Hamit was subbed on. Or at least that’s what the official records show, seems a little convenient from the prankster-analysis point of view. As Hamit has played a grand total of 3 minutes in the Bundesliga since September, their interaction may again be limited to exchanging trikots which conveniently already have the correct name on the back.

What I’m looking forward to:
With Badstuber, Holtby (declared fit by Magath on Thursday), Höwedes and Müller likely to all be on the pitch together at some point Saturday, with the 23 year old graybeard Neuer in goal, there’s going to be a whole lot of the future of German football on display. Let’s hope they all give us an early career highlight reel.

Number play(the section where I do get lazy and steal from Jan):

0: Number of matches Schalke has lost away this season.

0-1: The scoreline in Felix Magath’s first home match as Bayern coach versus Schalke

1: The number of European matches won this season by FC Bayern and Hertha Berlin.

3: The number of goals Bayern has allowed at home this season, but alas, the number of goals that Schalke has allowed away this season.

22: Number of days Franz Beckenbauer has left as president of Bayern Munich. Unless he declares himself president for life. Wouldn’t put it past him.

99: The number of Bundesliga matches Manuel Neuer has played going into Saturday, as well as the number of Bundesliga goals Kevin Kuranyi has scored going into this weekend. Let’s try to keep it to one milestone, fellas.

And from the “not that scheisse again” department:
218: Minutes since Bayern scored a goal, in all competitions.

Sort of stat of the week:
When you take a strictly goal per match average, Schalke has the best away defense in the league, but guess who’s second? I was surprised to find it was Cologne. Tied for third were Bayern and Wolfsburg.

The Prediction
Headline writers will be itching for a scoreline they can work with. 2-0 to Bayern, a magical return to form! 1-0 to Schalke, Van Gaal raus! Unfortunately for all of them, my call is 1-1.

This is no time for reasoned analysis. So please dear readers, feel free to add your verbal vomit, expletives and other negative feedback, and I’ll try to restore order to the blog in a few days. After all, we still have a couple trophies to try to win.

With both Müller and Van Buyten suspended, Braafheid an injury doubt and Robben apparently not in the starting 11 plans, the group that takes the field is quite a question mark. Clearly, Martin Demichelis will step in for Van Buyten, and my best guess would be to see Altintop in the midfield. If Braafheid can’t go, it seems that Pranjic is probably the only option they have. I’d prefer to see Toni get the start with Gomez on the bench, just because I have a little more confidence in Gomez’s ability to create in the pinch. But, it’s hard to have a whole lot of confidence in anyone’s ability without Müller on the pitch as the spark.

Another day, another roster cut
This time, it’s Andreas Görlitz, as it was announced he will be allowed to leave the club in the winter break. It was 5 years ago today that Görlitz suffered the knee injury from which he seems to have never fully recovered. It’s very easy to forget this was a guy who was actually capped twice for Germany in 2004. Bayern gave him every opportunity to try to fulfill the promise he once had as a young player, but it was a bit surprising that he was brought back from Karlsruhe after a 2 season loan spell. He started regularly there, and maybe that’s the ticket for Görlitz going forward. Perhaps it’s better not to reflect on the player he might have been, but know that he will still have many years ahead playing in a different situation

But back to the business at hand. Babbel finds himself on somewhat similar footing to Lucien Favre before the ax fell in Berlin. After an improbable, (though admittedly less surprising) charge to the top of the standings in the 2nd half of last season for which he was given much credit, it may be his club’s inability to gel with new parts that has withered the spirit of last season’s rise. Babbel appears to be pretty far out on the plank, despite “votes of confidence”. This is a team that has lost 3 in a row in the league, and only managed to beat Freiburg and Frankfurt. And we know well that you don’t even need to be at your best to manage this feat. And while the numbers bear out that Stuttgart has indeed put forward effort, especially with regard to it’s last two losses against Schalke and Hannover, the squad looked sloppy and careless in its midweek Pokal loss to Greuther Fürth.

It won’t get any easy with the Bavarians coming to town, especially with Cacau and Sami Khedira out, while Ciprian Marica remains a question mark. Babbel has faced Bayern twice as Stuttgart coach, losing in humiliating fashion at home is last year’s DFB Pokal, and in Munich on the final matchday last season. You can track more of the story over at the Stuttgart Offside.

As for Bayern, the match will have special meaning for Mario Gomez, returning to his long-time home for the first time. Frankly, I’m a bit tired of young Bayern strikers being a little too sentimental for their old teams but perhaps we’ll be spared Mario laying face down and crying for Stuttgart if he actually scores a goal.

Almost lost in the shuffle of other news was the fact that Arjen Robben has been declared doubtful for the match. This seems a little bit surprising, considering he’s had a week to work up his fitness since the first Frankfurt match. Louis van Gaal indicated that he’d like to save him for the Bordeaux match, but frankly, I think Robben needs to be ready to contribute if the match is still competitive in the last half hour.

I expect Stuttgart to come out fired up, so the main thing is for the team to maintain its composure and not make any stupid mistakes in the first 15 minutes or so. Once we sustain the initial pressure, we ought to have the creativity and one on one advantage to produce the chances to win the match. I’m calling 2-1 for Bayern.

Demichelis drops turd in punch bowl
So after a 4-0 win in which we actually looked like Bayern, everyone’s happy right? Not so fast! Martin Demichelis didn’t take long to start complaining very publicly about his role at the club. First of all, let’s explain a few things to Micho. Comparing your situation to Mark van Bommel’s is like comparing Rotkohl and Spargel. For one, Micho, you are not the captain of the team! Your name is not Martin van Demichelis (don’t think that doesn’t make a difference!) I’m not at all certain Van Bommel would have come back into the lineup as quickly if it weren’t for the fact that we’ve been forced into playing a 4-4-2. Plus, you didn’t have to go play with the amateurs like Van Bommel and Toni were forced to do before coming back. And finally, are you really going to argue that your presence on the pitch is more valuable or deserved than Daniel van Buyten’s at the moment? Because I don’t think LVG is going to stick your right-footed ass in Herr Badstuber’s place. Ah, that’s better. Now, go help keep a clean sheet against Bordeaux and maybe we’ll think about letting you out of the Bayern Offside doghouse.

For his part, Sosa greeted the news humbly. “I cannot complain. My fellow players have always treated me fairly. I just did not use my chances,” he told the club website.

Sosa came to Munich in 2007 for a fee of 6 mil. Euros. He managed just 2 goals and 1 assist in 35 Bundesliga matches over the last 2 1/4 seasons, and undoubtedly the critics will point to him as just another example of Bayern’s poor personnel decisions over the last few years.

But his place in Bayern lore will always be secure, because of one magical moment in Madrid. It was Sosa who delivered the cross to Luca Toni, who headed in Bayern’s third goal in the dying seconds of extra time to earn a 3-3 draw and passage through on the away goals rule, completing the most improbable and emotional of comebacks against Getafe in the UEFA Cup in 2008. Long live the one shining moment of Jose Ernesto Sosa.

While a 4-0 victory in a DFB-Pokal match against perennial also-ran Eintracht Frankfurt may not be an announcement that Bayern is ready to take on the world, it sure seemed like the team got rid of a lot of psychological baggage. Let’s review the charts.

Patient: M. Klose
History: Player has possible psychological aversion to scoring goals for club. Player known to display excessive unselfishness near opponent’s goal, often compounding goal scoring issue.
Result of Frankfurt therapy: Player scored 2 goals, moved into 2nd place among active players in career DFB-Pokal goals. (Who’s first? See below) Unselfishness rewarded by providing impetus for subject T. Müller’s goal when selfish play would likely not have resulted in a 3rd goal.
Prognosis: Player has left behind his goal-scoring aversion. Will now attend physical therapy to regain signature goal-scoring acrobatics.

Patient: M. van Bommel
History: Aggressive tendencies, leadership through rhetoric more than positive actions
Result of Frankfurt therapy: Player made first significant offensive contribution in quite some time with a lovely floating ball to teammate M. Klose that led to first goal.
Prognosis: Pleasant surprise offensive contributions to continue, though patient could also bite opponent’s ear off without warning. Supervision recommended.

Patient: L. Toni
History: Patient has history of hysterics and play-acting. Unable to score goals. May require leg braces (frequent falls) or vision correction as kicked balls often bounce off posts. May also have inner ear disorder, but claims symptoms are merely “how he celebrates”.
Result of Frankfurt therapy: To staff’s surprise, patient required little therapy and used his own head to solve his goal-scoring problem.
Prognosis: Patient will need frequent reinforcement from peers in order to maintain goal scoring levels. Could benefit from extended visit to warmer climate.

And there you have it, a somewhat clean bill of psychological health. I’m just glad we didn’t have to include Gomez, Rensing or Louis van Gaal in the analysis. We’ll discover who our quarterfinal opponent will be on Sunday

DFB-Pokal Goal scorers
I indicated above that Miro Klose moved into 2nd among active DFB Pokal goal scorers. Klose now has 17, and the active leader is Claudio Pizarro with 21. I was not surprised to see that Gerd Müller was all time leader with 78 (in 62 matches). What I was surprised to see was that 2nd all time is Cologne’s Hennes Löhr with a mere 39 (in 64 matches)! Yet another of Der Bomber’s unbelievable records.

1) I looked at Frankfurt’s goal about 7 times on replay, and the best that I can come up with, is that it really was a freakish chance. Maybe Lahm gave up on his pursuit a little easily, maybe Van Bommel and Van Buyten were a little clumsy and slow to react, but overall, that was just a weird one.

2) I expressed a lot of frustration with Bastian Schweinsteiger in this space last week, and in the liveblog as well. I will continue to do so, until he finds some consistency in his game. His slow and sloppy play on Saturday was a major contributor to a scoreless first half. It continues to be all or nothing with Schweini, and I’m not sure what can be done to get him back to the consistent form that he has shown in the past. On the other end of the spectrum, a not quite ready for prime time Arjen Robben was ready enough. He more or less stole a goal from Gomez (ok, maybe Mario would have found a way to muff the rebound too), but his appearance changed the whole pace of the match, as we’ve come to expect.

3) As was well discussed in the liveblog, our set piece play is awful. There isn’t a lot of point in penetrating and earning frees and corners if the team doesn’t know what it wants to do with them (see Schweini and Tymo) or doesn’t execute them well (see Van Buyten, Pranjic, and to a lesser degree, Badstuber). I’m not sure what can be done to improve it, aside from Ribery scoring more amazing goals like the one in Dortmund.

4) Almost universally, those of us in the liveblog were incredibly disheartened by Louis van Gaal’s decision to sub in Demichelis for Toni. It seemed to be a “let’s not lose the 1 point” substitution. None of us realized that he was actually putting Van Buyten forward, and I watched it again to see if I had just been distracted. As it was, Daniel hardly appears on-screen in the broadcast until the 2nd goal is scored. So, this may be a case where a spectator might have had a better idea of what was going on than an international TV viewer. At any rate, LVG deserved neither praise nor scorn for the substitution. Of course, he’s a genius if it works. And he’s an idiot if it doesn’t. Not that he would ever admit the latter. So, the goal was luck, but not pure luck. Any statistical analysis bears out that Bayern had a ton of chances throughout the match, and to some degree that indicates making a lot of your own luck.

5) Strangely, it would be easy to skip over the man of the match: Thomas Müller. Of course, his skillful header set up Daniel van Buyten for the game winner, but it was his cross in to Gomez that set up the equalizer as well. When he is not the only one finishing chances, he seems to be the only one setting them up. After a rocky, foul-ridden start, he straightened out his game and was the best player on the field again for Bayern.

Pokal-Spiel live on ESPN 360
You will not be seeing a rerun! Wednesday’s German Cup match at Eintracht Frankurt will be shown live on ESPN 360, and we will be running a liveblog here at the Bayern Offside. Continental Europe is only 5 hours ahead of the Eastern time zone this week, so the match will take place at 3:30 p.m. Eastern time. There is a chance we’ll be able to pipe a feed of the match into the liveblog. So those of you without ESPN 360, please come by, and we’ll try to accommodate you! We should see the same starting 11 for Bayern.

In the news
With all the stories swirling around Schalke’s possible emergency fire sale, it was only a matter of time before the Manuel Neuer rumors started again. Günther Jauch (who made an appearance in this space as the graphic presence of the “Who Wants to be a Goal Scorer” entry), claimed he had a good source that told him that Neuer to Bayern was a done deal in the winter break. Felix Magath was quick to deny it once again. Whether Jauch, who is not exactly a Gelsenkirchen insider is on to something or not, I think the story of this transfer is not if, but when.

Reunion with Klinsmann this weekend?
With Stuttgart falling prey to Fürth in the Pokal on Tuesday, the Markus Babbel death-watch is on. Babbel still has a job as of this writing. Although Marcel Koller seems to be the most frequently-linked name to the Stuttgart job, some sources are pointing to a meeting between Klinsmann and Stuttgart President Erwin Staudt. Ok, this is probably the worst kind of rumor mongering, but maybe the only thing better than seeing the lame duck Babbel on the sideline against us on Saturday would be the confused-looking Klinsmann trying to put Alex Hleb in touch with his inner chi….or something.